Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
