flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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