My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
