There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
