your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
