Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
