I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
