I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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