i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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