My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
