i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
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She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
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Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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