Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
