I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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