Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
