Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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