I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
