FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
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