I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
