its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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