His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
