Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
