She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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