I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
