I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
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The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
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Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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