why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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