R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
