There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
