I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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