dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
