My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
