i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
