so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
