just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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