i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
