take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We got so high we made milksteak
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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