so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
