I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
