I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize