goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
