She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize