So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
