i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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