I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
