omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
