Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Mom said you looked used
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
