So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
