How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
