Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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