Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize