need another drink. this is the easiest way
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
