look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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