Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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