So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
