Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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