I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
