Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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