WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
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my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
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sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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