I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
