That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
