she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
