So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
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I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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