I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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