sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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