You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
not ubering you a puppy
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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