Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You ate ashes out of my bong
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
