I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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