There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
