Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
