If you die in college, do you die in real life?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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