Whatcha textin bout Willis?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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