I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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