you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
