3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
