Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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