I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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