We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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