You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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