I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
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I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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