You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
