You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
