I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
