He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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