My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
