I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
