I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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