Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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