it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
this hospital has no fireball
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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