How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
