someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
