you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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