Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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