I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
