Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
