could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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