If that was your dad, he is hot
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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