whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
