I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
