I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
